i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
