Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
