none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
