You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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