32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
