11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
