He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
