Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
