It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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