forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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