My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
