there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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