I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
