He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
