He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize