just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
