I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
