quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
