Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
