I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
