I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
