i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
