Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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