Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
