I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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