I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
