herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
