I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
