Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
