East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
