you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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