why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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