she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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