one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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