I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
