Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
