if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
just found out that she named her cat after me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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