i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
tell me about the eggs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
