i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
