i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
