i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
