Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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