Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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