im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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