Having a random hookup so left but love u
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
