Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
