Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
