Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
