I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
