what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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