My cat gives me a boner
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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