threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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