I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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