forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
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Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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