we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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