This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
