I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
