every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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