A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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