Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
