I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
