just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
