party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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