I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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