He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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