whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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