So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you win again, gameday.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
